A study in procrastination

Well, this isn't a very good start to the semester. Only a week in and halfway through my first assignment (albeit with a fuzzy, plague riddled brain) and I'm already finding new and inventive ways to procrastinate. My new favorite is searching YouTube for Tom Lehrer songs - such as one of my personal favorites, The Elements:

This is a MUCH better version, but sadly not embeddable.

If you've never heard of Tom Lehrer, he was a Harvard educated mathematician who was also an immensely popular satirist on the musical scene in the 50's and 60's. Obviously this was all before my time, but luckily my usually dignified mother has a surprisingly warped sense of humor and kept her children entertained by his music on car trips. Which is kind of sick and twisted when you consider that he sang about severed hands, parricide, sibling solicitation, and that lovable character, The Old Dope Peddler.

Good times. Now back to the grindstone...

P.S. Thanks for the jokes, you guys! You really plumbed new depths of punnery. I think it's a tie between Allyson and Anonymous (Elise, I'm looking at you!) for making me simultaneously laugh and smack my head on my keyboard. You each get half of the twelvity bajliion superstar points - which is what, sixtupily magrillion apiece?

Captain Trips

I have something. I have no idea what it is, but it's something. A bug, a virus, the superflu, the plague...whatever it is, it's kicking my ass (literally - and you don't want to know the details on that). I'd post a photo like my girl ljkc did, but I'm not as photogenic as she is. Even when I'm healthy.

So instead, I'm huddled in my pillow fortress in bed, sucking down beef broth and salt crackers and warily eyeing my first school assignment. Which really couldn't have come at a worse time.


Twelvity bajillion superstar points will go to the person who tells me the best joke to cheer me up while I wallow in my self pity. The pun-ier the better. I like my jokes lame when I'm an invalid.

P.S. If you don't understand the title of this post, go read The Stand. It's the only book of Stephen King's that I've read, but I love it beyond reason. Judge me if you will.

Custom made

I was going to reply to this question in the comments for my last post, but then I realized it was a bit long and involved for that, so Lori, here's the info:

Q: Is it easy to set up a custom domain name with Blogger?
A: Yes and no.

I've registered two different Blogger sites with custom domain names. The first was super easy because I bought the name through Blogger (instructions here), so they take care of updating all the settings for you. Very, very easy to do, and only costs $10USD.

The second name I registered was this one, which I couldn't get through Blogger because it was already taken - since it was about to expire, I grabbed it on the drop with snapnames*. This meant it was slightly more expensive ($60USD), and that I also had to take care of my own DNS settings and deal with the infamous "Blogs may not be hosted at naked domains" error. Neither of these things are extremely difficult, but it is frustrating, time consuming and frankly just a pain in the ass.

Now that I have it working? Yup, totally worth it! However, if I'd had the choice to buy it through Blogger, I would have, just to make life easier.

*Blogger will not backorder domains, so this is something you have to do with an alternate company; I highly recommend snapnames or pool, and do NOT recommend godaddy - not only do they have a far lower success rate, but they also put the name up for auction regardless of whether it's backordered or not (the other companies also use auctions when there are multiple backorders on the same name, but godaddy is the only registrar that puts up your desired domain for auction even if yours is the only order).

P.S. Wanna see something gross? This is about a quarter of the cat hair and dust that came out of my laptop when it was cleaned. A quarter. No wonder it was running badly...

Red alert - changes ahead!

I'm the proud owner of a new domain name: survivingoz.com. I couldn't resist - I was mooching around and searching for domain names to amuse myself (simple minds, folks), and discovered that it was due to expire, so I used snapnames' hot ninja moves to grab it. I'm going to apply it as a custom domain name for this blog, so there are a few changes ahead!

What does this mean for you? If you try to visit lisa-ben.blogspot.com directly, you may get a redirect page with a little warning saying you are being directed outside of Blogger - just click OK to proceed to the blog (yes the URL is outside Blogger, but the content will still be hosted here, so it's really a change in name only).

I hope you'll stick with me for more musings on huge spiders, pubic hair books, toilet snakes, Aussie tips and things that go bump in the night! Blogger occasionally has some teething issues with redirecting to custom domains, so if you get a 404 error initially, don't panic - just try again in a few hours, or the next day.

In other news tidbits:

• I broke Korben the Wonder Dog. Seriously. A couple days ago, we were playing chase the ball (not fetch, since he doesn't bring it back - luckily there are seventy billion toys in the yard so I only have to move three inches to pick up another one), he pivoted badly on his left hind leg and is now limping sadly around. The vet has said to give it a week or so, but if it doesn't show improvement by then it's probably something worse than just a nasty strain. Let's hope not!
• As of this morning, Indiana the Obnoxious Puppy is a eunuch. He's not thrilled with his sudden lack of bodyparts, but them's the shakes, as my Nana says.
  
• My laptop is currently being cleaned. I didn't realize how attached I was to it until now. I may need a 12-step program.
  
• This is a fabulous book. It's going on my To Buy list.
• This is NOT a fabulous book. It's overblown tripe where the author uses his character's lack of experience in composing a narrative as an excuse for poor writing (really - the protagonist actually asks the reader to do this). What's up with all these overwritten, pretentious books being lauded as literary masterpieces lately? Whatevs. Grow a pair and admit it's not a good book just because it's a bajillion pages long and you think you look important reading it! Sorry. Just had to get that off my chest.

Over and out, folks - see you in a day or two on the new site!

Not right. Not right at all.

Working at a library, you see all kinds of book covers.

The pretty:

I have never read this book, although I've picked it up many times. It's just too pretty - I'm afraid I'll be disappointed with the story inside and no longer be able to adore it the way I do now.

The boring:

Ahh, the joys of working in an academic library.

The exciting:

No, I'm not a fan of Child. But I'm told his books are exciting. If that's your thing.

And the just plain wrong:

Nice apple.

I have to admit the idea is an attention grabber, but the execution? Let’s go in for a close-up, shall we?

Sorry for the low-res image (it was the best I could find) but yes -that dark area is exactly what you think it is.

Call me a prude, but I like my book covers a little less…pube-y.

Just a quick note

This was awesome.


Go read it. That is all.

This little peeve of mine

Since this blog is my personal little fiefdom, I like to air my annoyances from time to time. As you may have noticed. Or noticed. Or noticed. Or - you get the idea. Anyhoodle, today's grievance involves this:

This puts me in the mood to visit Joel the Coffee Making Dude and his crack-laced caramel lattes.

Yes. Take out coffee. Or more specifically, take out coffee, Hollywood style: when a character in a TV show or movie drinks from a coffee cup - including the oversized mugs in every sitcom home, but especially the take out ones - it's clearly, obviously, empty.

The actors barely tip the cup to sip so it should be quite full, but the way it's carried and waved about makes it plain that there's nothing inside. There's no weight to the cup, no momentum breaking as the liquid sloshes around. I don't see why they can't put something inside - hell, it doesn't even have to be coffee: tea, water, soda, or even whiskey for old time's sake would do. But noooo, the starlets just keep pretending to drink their air lattes.

I recently mentioned this little peeve to Ben, because I thought it was so agonizingly obvious that he'd readily agree with me. Instead, he just shrugged and continued watching the show. And then suddenly grabbed me a few days later to wail, "Why did you tell me that? What is UP with the coffee cups? Now that's ALL I SEE! What have you done to me? I can't even watch anymore!"

I love sharing my annoyances. Especially when they start driving other people crazy, too.

The most obnoxious time of the year

When I was in kindergarten, I used to hate Valentine's Day. This was before schools created compulsory goodwill by forcing students to exchange cards with the entire class - instead, the most popular kids got the most cards, while those of us in the hand-me-down dresses (social suicide at a private school, even at that age) only received one or two. I used to say I didn't care, but of course I really did.

Word, Viola. Word.

These days, I genuinely don't care. While I used to envy girls toting bouquets and balloons in my teens, I eventually started hating the crass commercialism of the day: the heart boxes full of questionable candy, the ubiquitous teddy bears (wtf does anyone over the age of 12 do with a stuffed bear?), the ridiculously overpriced wilted roses, the millions of people going out to dinner at every available restaurant...gag. Where's the romance in being packed into an overbooked restaurant that looks like a Care Bear vomited all over it?

This was the first V-Day restaurant photo I found. Then I realized it was at a fast food joint. Somehow that makes it even more amusing.

So why do I even care? As you may have guessed by now, Ben and I don't observe Valentine's Day - never have, never will. Therefore, whenever someone asks what we're doing for V-Day, I reply "Nothing," and then they make a sad face and say Ben must be really unromantic. Err - no. Actually, Ben is really the romantic between us. I'm the pragmatist, the one that gives a side eye to people who plonk down money for flowers that cost five times what they would at any other time; if I'm going to get flowers, I'd rather receive them at random times throughout the year than just once on a day when everyone else is getting the same thing. I'm snobby like that.

someecards - my favorite place to find a card that says exactly what I think

I guess what it comes down to is that I don't see any real need for Valentine's Day. We already tell each other "I love you" daily and regularly do special little things for each other. So if you love getting Valentine candy and teddy bears, that's cool - but please stop making sad faces at me as though my marriage will end because I'm not on the receiving end of a heart shaped balloon. I'm all good. Really.

Basic supplies

Since I'm heading back to school (which starts in just over a week! squeee!), I thought I'd better stock up on a few supplies. Here's my list of essentials:

Notebooks

WhoMi Modern. Awesomeness on a notebook cover.

More notebooks

See Jane Work Basic Composition Book. I may be in love.

One more for good measure

Orla Kiely Pear Notebook. Fruit has never looked so groovy.

Lots of pens

Le Pens. My love for pens is legendary. And possibly weird.

A cup to store the many pens (naturally)

Thomas Paul Pencil Cup. No, I canNOT use a plain one. I'M NOT AN ANIMAL!

Sticky notes

Good On Paper Sticky Notes. Look at the wee little birdies!

Calendar to map out exam schedule

SusyJack*2009 Wall Calendar. When it looks this good, who cares that there's no space to write?

Page markers for all those references

Punctuated Page Markers. How have I lived my life without these???

Plenty of folders

Top row: Working Woman, Filex, Veneer
Bottom row: Thomas Paul

A way to store and transport the folders

Medium Box Tote. This makes me happy just looking at it.

And some clipboards - just in case

Small Clipboard. Also available in medium and large. What more could you ask?

Yup, that ought to do it!

.....

Or I'll just get one of these:

I love legal pads. They make me feel important.

Oh, and lots of these:

There's no way I'd have made it through my first degree without index cards. They are the cornerstones of my existence.

And maybe one of these, if I'm feeling daring:

We meet again, my old friend.

I am so ready for the semester to start. Bring it on.

Times like these

I’ve received a number of emails from worried family and friends, asking me about the devastating fires that have swept through Victoria in the last few days. To start, I’d like to emphasize that we are fine – the fires are on the coast of the state below us.

All photos from here.

Naturally, this has been an extremely difficult time for Australians. With a death toll well above that of the infamous Ash Wednesday, it’s by far the worst firestorm anyone here has experienced. 173 people are already confirmed dead, and the government has warned us that this number could reach 230 or even more. Marysville is gone – not partly gone or mostly gone, but wiped off the map.

Marysville.

We’ve heard both horrifying and incredible stories: in one, a father loaded his kids into the car to evacuate and then turned his back to retrieve something from the house – in that short space of time, the fast moving fire swept over the car and killed his family; in another, a teenage boy made multiple trips on a tractor through a burning field to rescue a group of children. That’s right. A tractor. Through fire. Now that takes guts.

Smoke clouds.

The Aussie public response has been extraordinary: so far, over $30million has been donated to help the survivors recover (about half of which has been through the stellar efforts of the Red Cross), and clothing and food drives are being set up across the country to provide something to those who have nothing left. Ben and I are spending our evening pulling together clothing, canned food and other goods to donate.

An 18-year-old volunteer firefighter and his 15-month-old nephew.

What always strikes me the most about this kind of tragedy is that even though it can certainly emphasize the darkness in some people (such as the disturbing news that arsonists were likely responsible for a number of the fires), it also reaffirms my belief in basic human kindness. It may sound strange, but in times like this, we see our humanity…

This woman in Kinglake escaped with only her dogs – she has nothing else left.

…our courage…

I cannot imagine the heart it takes to continue to battle this fire after all of the devastation the firefighters have seen.

…our compassion…

Most Americans won’t understand why this image is so remarkable. Koalas are NOT the cuddly teddy bears that they appear to be – in fact, they are extremely shy and prone to viciousness if approached (check out their claws sometime). What you are seeing here is truly incredible.

...our dedication...

Fire crews near Stanley preparing a battle plan.

…our generosity…

People nationwide are donating clothing, food and other supplies to the fire victims.

…our resilience…

She is digging through the burnt remains of her home in Wandong. And laughing.

…and our immense capacity to love.

These families have literally lost everything except for each other.

Watching this country come together in support has been extraordinary. It's yet another reason I love this place and these people.

Getting to know Jake

I think it's about time you all were properly introduced to our little family. You know we have two cats and two dogs, but who are they exactly? What are their hopes and dreams, their inspirations? We'll start with JakeJake, the Pirate Kitteh of Doom.

Jake as a mere whippersnapper. Even then he was perfecting his "hello sailor" look.

After getting stuck in the couch cushions. He's a little weird.

Jake today.

Jake is an Aquarius who likes short walks down the hallway, tuna, playing with his brother Elwood, crumpled balls of paper (cheapest cat toy EVER) and plenty of naps.

Yup, he's a hard worker.

Out of all our pets, Jake is our most special little guy. And yes, I mean "special" in that way - he's not too bright. But he IS incredibly sweet and loving, always up for a cuddle and a tummy rub.

Claws of death. Also claws of carpet ruining.

Even though Jake is an equal opportunity lover, he and Ben share a special bond. For starters, there's a strange fetish involving blue bath towels. No other color - just blue. When Ben steps out of the shower and grabs a blue towel, Jake instantly clamors at his feet until Ben will sit down and devote himself to a little JakeJake patting time.

I want to be a cat in our household. No really, I do.

Or the times when I will invest 15 minutes of kitty petting effort to no avail, only to have Jake suddenly erupt into purrs when Ben touches him with a single finger. Bastards.

That little rear paw sticking up just cracks me up every time I look at it.

As I said - they have a special bond. But I have to admit that I often don't understand it. A couple nights ago I looked over to see Jake lying contentedly on Ben's chest while they stared deeply into each other's eyes. Ben leaned his head forward until it was touching Jake's, then whispered softly, "It's time for our mind meld, Jakey. This...may...kill us both." Clearly their relationship is far deeper than I suspected.

Napping. It's harder than it looks.

Next up: Elwood, Evil Genius Kitteh.

We can be heroes

Oh yes we can:

I love superheros. They're always so matchy matchy with their outfits. And yes, I know I totally violated the no capes rule here.

My girl ljkc issued an interesting challenge a couple of weeks ago, inviting readers to cartoonify her. I decided to tap into her blog name and whipped her up a superhero with the awesome HeroMachine 2.5.

You can check out lkjc's portrait here.

Ben introduced me to the hero builder way back when it was still version 1 (or I guess just plain HeroMachine, since actually titling it HeroMachine1 would have been a bit douchey), and I've regularly played with it since then...not that I'd ever make super versions of myself when I need an ego boost. And not that I need those often. That would be weird and sad. Ahem.

Why yes, I DO need a whip at work. Obviously you've never seen how unruly the folios can get. Also, I wish I looked like this in a miniskirt in real life.

OK, I'll let you stop reading now so you can go play with the HeroMachine 2.5. Oh go on. You know you want to.