So instead, I'm huddled in my pillow fortress in bed, sucking down beef broth and salt crackers and warily eyeing my first school assignment. Which really couldn't have come at a worse time.
Twelvity bajillion superstar points will go to the person who tells me the best joke to cheer me up while I wallow in my self pity. The pun-ier the better. I like my jokes lame when I'm an invalid.
P.S. If you don't understand the title of this post, go read The Stand. It's the only book of Stephen King's that I've read, but I love it beyond reason. Judge me if you will.
Heres some jokes for you:
ReplyDeleteTRY AND GUESS WHICH NUTTER IS POSTING THESE.....
1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.
2. A termite walks into a bar room and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
3. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."
4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
5. Why are proctologists so gloomy?
They always have the end in sight.
6. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
Roamin' Catholic.
7. What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.
8. What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.
9. Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
10. Famous last words of a mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?"
It wasn't me..
ReplyDeleteUm, somehow I think this is my fault - I've had the plague for 3 DAYS. Maybe you got it from my blog?
ReplyDeleteSo Cinderalla's on her way to the ball and fairy godmother says, 'One more thing Cindy...you gotta be home before midnight or you vajayjay (p***y) is going to turn into a pumpking.
ReplyDeleteCinderella is lihe 'WTF?'
Fairy godmother shrugs he shoulders and says, 'Those are the rules.'
So Cinderella gets to the ball and price charming is talking to all the other Fair Ladies. So Cinderella being the new independent woman that she is strikes up a conversation with another handsome fellow. After some great conversation Cinderella lookas at her watch. And to her surprise tells the very interesting fellow. 'Oh my look at the time. Its almost midnight I've got to go.'
Interesting fellow: 'So soon? Please stay we have yet to dance.'
Cinderella: 'You have no idea...I must leave.'
Interesting fellow: "At least tell me what your name is.'
Cinderella: 'Cinderella. What's yours?'
Fellow: 'Peter Peter Pumpking Eater.'
Cinderella: 'Well in that case...I'm staying.'
BOO for Captain Trips (love that book btw)! Here's a good one for you:
ReplyDeleteA pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants.
The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
To which the pirate replies...
"Aaargh, it's drivin' me nuts!!"
Granted, this is funnier when someone tells it in person. But I hope it helps! Feel better soon!
a guy walks into a bar. ouch.
ReplyDelete