No, I'm not bitter. Not at all.

It's taken me a while to post this, because I had to wait for the bile in my throat to die down. You see, I was cheated - CHEATED - out of a once-in-a-lifetime experience. You see, late last year, Aussie TV channel SBS held an Iron Chef competition ("a seven course extravaganza cooked by Iron Chefs Hiroyuki Sakai and Chen Kenichi"), and I DIDN'T WIN.

I'm convinced there was foul play afoot. There is no other explanation. Then the father and son had the gall to gloat over their prize in an interview. Bastards. That should have been me gloating! MEEEEEEE!

The winners. That 12-year-old certainly looks capable of subterfuge, don't you think? Look at him, sucking up to my precious Kenichi. Jerk.

If you couldn't tell by now, I love Iron Chef. LOVE. I even own the official book. Strangely, the American version of the show does little for me - it's the original or nothing. There's something about the drama, the flair, the over-the-topness of the Japanese version that just can't be duplicated. It's like a boxing match. In drag. With awesome food. And subtitles. I mean, Sakai once wrestled a live octopus - how much better can TV get?

Good part starts at about 7 minutes. Other four parts of this episode are here, here, here and here.

Here are some of the goodies the winners cheaters were treated to:

"An eggshell filled with a white seafood mousse topping a sea-urchin risotto was a flavour-filled play on the traditional boiled egg. An espresso cup of white asparagus mousse covered with a clear tomato aspic was a subtle introduction of the meal to come"...

I'm dribbling down my front and there is nothing I can - or want to - do about it. Gawd this looks good.

..."consommé of lamb with Chinese dumplings"...

I'm not a big fan of consommé but I would dive into this face first. Table manners be damned in such emergencies as this.

...and "a translucent bottle green basket filled with a rich vanilla ice-cream, sitting atop the slow roasted apple and surrounded by an intense mango sauce. The plate was dusted with cinnamon to highlight the treat for the eye and add a contrasting aroma."

Ohhhh come to mama!

SBS has run this competition for two years now, so hopefully a crappy economy won't prevent a third year. Because all of this shall be mine next year. Oh yes. It shall be mine.