My etsy obsession continues...

I know you're probably sick of me babbling about etsy by now. But how can I not?!? They have everything. This week's loves:

Stunning, functional pottery by whitneysmith

Handbags made of Japanese obi silk

Hilariously random occasion notecards

Fascinating hand screened ties (I can't get over the Lizzie Borden graphic at top right, but I'm seriously loving the "lorem ipsum" text design)

And most of all, stationery so fabulous it makes me wish I had a Gocco too

paperwren

twoguitars

heatherjean

inkylivie

So. Have I seduced you to the Dark Side of internet shopping yet?

When I come to power...

Yes, it will happen eventually. It is inevitable. And for when it does, I've created a handy dandy cheatsheet so you know just what to expect:

- All forms of text speak will be banned. "C U 2nite!!!11! We R gr8 2gether! ILY!" is a redonkulous and unnecessary violation of the English language. (Did you know there is an SMS Bible? No really, there is.)

- I shall be allowed to make up and use such words as "redonkulous." It will be my special contribution to the world.

- Leggings will be eradicated. Contrary to popular belief, leggings are not pants. Pants are pants. Pants are flattering and hide wobbly bits instead of showcasing them. Pants are comfortable and don't continually threaten to give you an all night wedgie. Leggings are not a good look on anyone. Oh, and while we're at it, I'd like to mention that tights are not pants either and for God's sake put on some damn clothes:

Tights are not equal to pants even if they're footless - which, by the way, is yet another obscenity that would better be forgotten. If you all stop wearing them, I promise I will forget it ever happened.

In further sartorial laws, I shall also forbid the creation of pseudo celebrity fashion lines (seriously: Nicky Hilton? Amanda Bynes?), and sentence people who wear socks with sandals to three days in the stockade.

- Goats will be banished from the face of the earth. I see no point in allowing an animal to exist when they have routinely attempted to assassinate me (and in one memorable and traumatic incident from my childhood, peed on me). The only good goat is a dead goat. Proof:

Tasty!

Side note - this is a delicious looking blog.

NOT tasty. Or pleasant.

- Chickens will also be banished, little minions of evil that they are. Just LOOK at these eyes - that is pure evil, and it is plotting something very, very bad. You may laugh at me now, but when they and the goats make their move for power, you'll run crying to me:

Requisite photo credit for the psycho who actually enjoys taking pictures of chickens. Or roosters. Whatever.

- There will be a mandatory milk-and-cookie time plus an optional afternoon nap in all workplaces. I will be, after all, a benevolent dictator.

To recap: no obnoxious SMS shorthand. No leggings. No evil goats or plotting chickens. Mandatory milk and cookies. Now doesn't that sound like a future you'd be interested in?

I got in a bar fight. And then a savage panther attacked my face.

OK, not really. But it sounds better than what really caused the cuts I'm currently sporting on my face.

Last night we were mooching around in front of the TV - Korben the Wonder Dog was curled up at our feet, and Jake the Pirate Kitty of Doom was purring on my lap (Elwood the Evil Genius Kitty was off plotting somewhere, of course)...it was all very domestic and cozy. Then Ben made a sudden move that startled the dog, who terrified the cat, who decided the quickest way to safety would be through my face. If you go through this in the future, let me assure you: you can get the bleeding to stop. Eventually. With half a bag of cotton balls and possibly the intervention of trained professionals.

Later that evening I was curled up in bed, cozily awaiting sleep, when Ben decided that the best way to "help" the cat onto the bed would be to pick it up and fling it wildly toward my pillow. Cats aren't fond of being flung wildly, as my nose now bears evidence. (Honestly - who throws a cat? Five of their six ends are pointy!)

And now for the hideous proof of my disfigurement...although first I'd like to mention that these photos were taken first thing the next morning, so I'm not wearing makeup and have a raging case of bed head. Just thought I should warn you in case there are any small children in the audience.

I know you're mocking me now for making such a big deal out of two little scratches, but I swear it looks worse in person than it does in the photos - the little torn edges and surrounding bruising don't show up very well here, and they also don't show how deep those "little scratches" actually are (with the cut over my lip, the cat basically stuck its claw all the way into my face and then rotated). I did try to take some closeup photos, but then you could see my enormous unwashed pores, plus evidence that I haven't attended to my lady 'stache in months. And you don't deserve that kind of treatment.

So I'm feeling very sorry for myself today. Sympathetic nodding and donations of ice cream would be appreciated, thanks.

Continuing in the domestic strain

I discovered Ritzenhoff a few years ago, and have been smitten ever since. I can't explain why I love their products so much - maybe because they're limited editions created specifically for Rizenhoff by famous designers, or maybe just because they're psychotically delightful. Either way, they make me happy just to look at them.

Coffee cups and saucers:

Teapots:

Salt and pepper shakers:

Draft beer glasses:

See? I bet you're in a better mood already.

I want to be June Cleaver

Well maybe not really. But sorta. OK I admit it - I actually just want her wardrobe. Or, more specifically, her aprons:

I have no idea why this appeals to me. I'm hardly the good little housewife - and as Ben can attest, I seldom (OK never) slave over a four course meal. But look at these! How could you not want to swan around the house in something like this? (These are all from etsy.com - which, by the way, is the bane of my existence. I could happily spend my life's savings there, mostly on things never knew about but suddenly desperately needed once I saw them.)

Fab prints from ampirlot:

Snappyshop - how cute are these? Even though I have a strong hatred of chickens, I'm still strangely drawn toward the one on the right:

Or this sweet green floral from momomadeit:

Or birds!

Cupcakes!

Fun prints and sweet ruffles!

There are even skull prints for the aspiring emo chef!

*sigh* It's just all too much. I'm going to go bake a cake.

Another reason I love Frank the Wonder Photog

In 99.9% of the photos we have, Ben looks a lot like this:

Whipping out a camera creates a Pavlovian response of closed eyes and a frozen smile. We call it The Earl, and frankly, I was worried that all our wedding photos were going to come out looking like this:

And yet somehow, Frank the Wonder Photog managed to capture this:

Amazing. My only conclusion can be that Frank is magical.

WOW

Frank the Wonder Photog sent me a link to our wedding photos slideshow today, along with some high res teaser shots.

Holy crap. There's a reason we hired him. Look at this:

And this:

And this:

And this, which is by far my favorite of the photos that I've seen so far:

I have no words...he's left me speechless.